Hi guys. My hair is finally long enough to put into one little nub of a pony tail or two itty bitty pigtails. School is really overwhelming still. I have an interview scheduled with the disability services in order to discuss taking my classes online and taking tests home or at least having my own study room to take tests and do work. My anxiety is just getting in the way of everything right now and it makes it hard in accomplishing tasks to my full potential.

        I have accomplished a lot more of the 52 Lists, but I have yet to post them. I'll share a few from each list with you all:

WK 3- Things You Should Be Proud Of

•  Recovery
• Taking initiative in my life
•  Giving out many chances
• Getting accepted into a dance school in NYC, even though I'm not going
• I always stick up for my friends and for myself  

 WK 4- Your Current/Future Goals and Dreams

• Study abroad in Spain
• Study yoga in India
• Volunteer with young women
• Buy a house and garden
• Adopt a child
• Document everything

WK 5- Things You're Grateful For

• Kind hearts
• Animal rescue teams
• My education
• My family
• Surviving
• Being in control of my own life
• Rain and fuzzy blankets
• Strength, growth and grace
• Mother Nature

WK 6- Ways in Which You Can Love Others

• Smile, hugs and kisses
• Make eye contact
• Write letters
• Tell them you love/appreciate them
• Tell them why you love/appreciate them
• Pet animals
• Buy a homeless person food
• Patience, grace and support
• Make them food
• Don't say they / their feelings / their opinions are wrong  

I've really been in touch with my spirituality recently and the beautiful Earth mother nature has gifted us with. 

      

       I'll post pictures of my room soon. I'm starting to feel really safe in my room. Also, I've been making a lot of impulsive decision lately and this is the result of my last impulsive decision. Enjoy! Hope you're all having a blessed week. <3

 

Lavender - the promise of new adventure

LA ESCUELA

        It's been three weeks since I started college and I'm already three weeks behind in my sociology class. I have two exams coming up next week, or technically this weekend, and three essays due in Spanish on Friday. I got accepted into the dance company here and it's great. The faculty and dancers are so kind and welcoming and interesting to get to know. Every day I dance for 7 hours though. It's absolutely ridiculous.
        My anxiety has been intense lately. There's just a lot of stimulation happening here all of the time, and it's so overwhelming. Even as I'm typing this there are many people yelling around me, which makes it hard to concentrate on what I'm doing. I was writing one of my three essays for Spanish, but then I switched over to here because there's just so much happening. Also, I feel absolutely terrified when I see someone walking towards me because I do NOT want them to talk to me or even notice me really. I get honestly so tense and terrified and my anxiety goes insane. I have a complicated love/hate relationship with people in this world.
        In 20 minutes I have my modern dance class and then I have an hour break until my dance rehearsal for the company. I better head off, but I just needed to vent a little bit. Things are hard and I'm very stressed. Fuck.

Week #2 of 52 lists; Greatest Comforts.

 

       It took me a while to actually finish this list of greatest comforts, but so many things bring me immense joy and comfort. Snuggles and the sound of rain outside make me feel safe and cozy. Sitting on the floor in a warm shower with my eyes closed while the water beats down on me is so comforting and relaxing. I can't help but just smile. My greatest comfort of all though is knowing that I'm in control of my life. I literally can do anything I want. I hold the power. If I wanted to I could just pack and leave this city, this state, this country! I've been feeling very liberated lately. With my new haircut and piercing and baby hedgehog, I feel like a new person! It's great!

       So yeah, in case you haven't heard, I bought a baby hedgehog! Her name is Knucks, short for Knuckles from Sonic the Hedgehog. She's very cute and cuddly. She loves to explore and I'm so excited to take her to parks and adventure with her. She's the cutest little thing and I am so in love with her. I want to sing to her and snuggle her and show her the world.

 

Sleeping baby Knucks curled up in a ball.

Baby Knucks trying to burrow and nuzzle her way to warmth and coziness.

 

First picture I took with Knucks after we got her.

       School has finally started and I couldn't be more stressed out. Holy shenanigans. It's crazy. I've found a new love and appreciation for buses and just laying in the grass at school in between classes, so that's good. School just really triggers my anxiety which sucks. It's just a lot of stimulation happening all the time. It's hard at times, but I find ways to remain calm. (Finding corners to read in, laying in the grass, exploring.)